Why Rest Can Feel Shameful When You Have Anxiety or OCD

Rest is supposed to feel good. You stop, you breathe, you chill - at least that’s the idea. But if you have anxiety or OCD, resting can feel weird at best and uncomfortable at worst. Instead of calm, you might feel restless, on edge, guilty, or suddenly overwhelmed by thoughts - that can make you wonder why something so basic feels so hard.

Your Brain Isn’t Used to Slowing Down

When you live with anxiety or OCD, your brain is almost always doing something. In therapy I love to call this an overactive fire alarm. It reacts to EVERYTHING that could be remotely construed as fire or smoke and calls the fire department. “Is that a candle I smell? EMERGENCY!! Is that a pot of pasta boiling?? SOS PLEASE HELP!! Is that sweat on my forehead?? RED ALERT!!”

We’re constantly scanning, planning, double-checking, and preparing for what might go wrong. Over time, that level of alertness becomes familiar, so when things finally get quiet, your system doesn’t automatically relax. It can feel uncomfortable or even unsafe, like you’re missing something important.

Quiet Makes Thoughts Louder

When you’re busy, your brain has less space to spiral. When you slow down, thoughts that were already there suddenly feel louder. For people with OCD, rest can also trigger mental compulsions - replaying conversations, checking feelings, analyzing thoughts, trying to get certainty. From the outside, it looks like you’re resting, but inside, your mind may be working overtime.

Staying busy can feel grounding and it can give a sense of control or keep uncomfortable thoughts at a distance. When you stop, guilt or anxiety can rush in. You might feel like you haven’t earned rest yet or that you’re being lazy if you slow down. That pressure can make resting feel stressful instead of restorative.

You’re Not Bad at Rest

A lot of people think they’re failing at rest because it doesn’t feel calming right away, but rest isn’t a switch you flip. You can’t force your nervous system to relax on command. That’s why we call our fire alarm technician to help us through it - AKA your therapist ;)

For many people with anxiety or OCD, rest feels uncomfortable before it ever feels good. That doesn’t mean it’s not helpful.

If your nervous system has been in high-alert mode for a long time, learning to rest is a process. It might start with short pauses, lying down without distractions, or noticing uncomfortable thoughts without reacting to them.

Over time, your system can learn that slowing down isn’t dangerous. And that you don’t have to earn rest by pushing yourself to exhaustion.

If rest feels hard, it doesn’t mean you’re doing self-care wrong. It means your brain learned to stay on guard. Therapy can help you gently practice slowing down without feeling like you’re losing control.

Gabrielle Eichler, RMHCI